It's funny how things happen in your life that finally make you go "Aha!!". I had that moment today. I was looking through the work of a young photographer and I kept thinking to myself, "wow..,what creativity! man, he has some talent." Well, I am sure he does have talent, but one thing he has that I lack is the power to make images that he carefully creates and thinks through, images that say something about him and his vision.
I constantly feel like I am striving to make photographs that other people will love, or that other people will think are amazing. I have been going about this all wrong. I think that the minute that I finally let go and try something different for a change, is going to be the day that my photography starts blowing ME away.
I want to take pride in the work that I do, but I also want to have fun doing it. The last few shoots have felt like a chore. I feel like I need to make everything perfect for the perfect portfolio. Well the truth is that I have not been doing this that long! I need to experiment and grow, I shouldn't be limiting myself to what I think I am good at right this minute because I have only had around a dozen photoshoots.
This experimenting that I want to do will cost me though. I need more lights. I have decided to save up to get speedlights so that I can further my creativity by not being limited to a studio setting with cords, I will not be tied down.The, even modest priced, speedlights are about $200 per light then you need adapters, modifiers, and stands...but I will cross that bridge when I get there.
I need to be able to know what it feels like to just grab a person and run to any location that inspires me and start shooting something that feels right. I need the experimentation, I need the freedom, I need to be able to be creative again, and most of all I need to know what it feels like to make mistakes so that I can learn as much as possible. I just need right now. I have been so busy giving, giving all of myself...well more of myself than there is. I have been spreading myself too thin and trying to force a perfect portfolio from my camera without any imagination or creativity!
I will continue to shoot beauty work, I will shoot portraits, but I also want to shoot ideas and feelings, moods, and just anything that makes ME feel good. I need to feel good about the choice I am making to start a career in photography. I need to not worry so much about getting clients, being professional, doing things perfectly...because if I let myself go and I feel good about what I am shooting then the rest will take care of itself.
At least...that is what I hope happens!!
